Cosmetic Skepticism

I never thought I'd write about cosmetics.  Yet the field of cosmetic products is rife with silliness, unfounded claims, and hucksters out for your cash. 

Note the lines in the link about the cost of a product and its "effectiveness."  Higher priced items do not always equate to higher quality.  This pattern is also seen in the supplement industry.  There is no/little regulation on these products.  A $500 bottle of stuff doesn't always work better than a $20 product.

Follow the link for more information. 


http://www.csicop.org/specialarticles/show/mythbusting_makeup_skepticism_and_cosmetic_claims

Alleged Faith healers

James Randi gets it done in this article about faith healing quackery.

http://www.wired.com/opinion/2012/05/opinion-randi-frauds/

The Cannon in the Park

There is a small town in central Illinois.  In the center of that town there is a small, circular park.  In the center of that park there is a statue honoring the American Indian tribes of the region.  Directly to the south west of the statue there sits a cannon.  Yes, a cannon. 

The cannon is probably 18 feet long.  It rests upon a white concrete brick foundation.  The business end points directly to the west.  An aside:  follow the trajectory of the cannon down a few blocks, over the railroad tracks and you’ll come to a favorite and famous water hole that is named after a scruffy bird.  

Various young ne’er-do-wells have dreamt of blasting mortars from it for decades.  Fortunately, the cannon has been disabled.  Dashed were the hopes of one day battering a friend’s vehicle as it drives in circles around the park.  Ah, what might have been.  Most often the cannon is used as a place for young children to sit, hang from the end, and climb to an fro in frivolity.  Though there does appear to be photographs of a group of middle aged sisters straddling said cannon in flashbacks of bygone days.    

The following story is purely alleged.  This writer can neither confirm nor deny any of these accounts.  Take it or leave it as you will.

Over a series of years two or three decades ago the cannon was brought forth in all its glory on one specific day each year.  The disabling would not deterred one individual on The Fourth of July.  What must be done, will be done.

One July 4^th a fourteen year old boy played basketball on the public courts in this small town.  A hot summer day, basketball with a mob of people, and young hot chicks lounging at the outdoor pool connected to the basketball court.  What young man could ask for more?  Beautiful.   

We got more than we asked for and it was even more beautiful.  Small fireworks had been set off around the town the week of the holiday and on that very day.  No one was prepared for the BOOM that seemed to rock the very ground we stood upon.  “Holy Shit!  What was that?!?  That was unbelievable!”  Speculation was tossed around all day and into the night. 

Our erstwhile young hoops star bolted home for a quick dinner before heading to the city firework display. Met with “did you hear that BOOM earlier?!?”  “Yes, what in the world was that?!?”  “Somebody shot off the cannon!!!”  “Holy cow! Who was it?!?”   

The answer was given forthwith.  Despite yelling “No way!”  the teenager was not surprised a bit.  Long had this firing of said cannon been contemplated.  Long had plans been made.  It had come to “fruitation.”  It was beautiful.

In several succeeding years our Mystery Man proceeded to discharge the old cannon. On at least two occasion the wannabe basketball star actually observed this aspect of local lore. Hearing the blast from blocks away at the courts paled in comparison to the sound and fury of witnessing the display from a car located fifty yards from the park.  Bilbo Baggins’s nemesis Smaug the Dragon would have been proud of the roar and spout of flame emanating from the cannon.  It was beautiful.

Alas, as mentioned before, this is all alleged.  But if mentioned to a certain older chap there will be a twinkle in his eye and a mischievous grin.    

Those wild and crazy Chiros

Alternative medicine is all the rage.  This is not a revelation.  When people are in pain or dealing with a troublesome medical condition they’ll try just about anything in the hope of finding relief.  Nearly everyone is susceptible to the lure of the exotic, off the beaten path cure.  I’ve fallen into this thinking trap myself.  Part of being a human.

This article was written after a series of out of this world claims by chiropractors hit the news.  These patterns of attention come in waves.  Everyone plays follow the leader:  a story hits the airwaves, another outlet wants to get the same attention, they publish a similar story.  Before you know it 1.7 million websites, TV news shows, newspapers, radio programs, and what ever else are talking about the new miracle cure.  Three weeks later another new miracle cure is found, or an old one springs up again, and we see the same feedback loop set in again. 

You can substitute a number of other practitioners in the place of chiropractors.  They are legion.  The herbalists, the homeopathic peeps, the natural healers, the acupuncturists gang, the psychic healing bunch, and the actual medical doctors who “saw the light” and claim to have found the missing ingredient.    

Chiropractors who stay within the scope of their  practice are not really the problem.  It’s the extremely large number who claim to provide benefits which in no way can be delivered by the methods they are using.  You know, the chiropractic adjustments can cure the flu thing.  Their claims rival the miraculous benefits of Howard Virgin Tonic (now that is a true miracle cure as detailed in a previous post.  Of course it is a complete fictional  imaginary figment of imagination.  But hey, most supplements are anyway.)

orthopedic doctors are much more successful than chiropractors in regards to the treatment of musculoskeletal issues.  This is a fact.  It doesn’t mean an ortho can fix every problem or that no chiro can cure any problem.  It simply means physicians on the whole are much better than chiropractors.  This is based upon the systematic research and practice of the docs.  Not a system that was supposedly created by a guy who worked in a grocery store.  I’m serious about that.  A grocer. 

Daniel David Palmer “a self-educated teacher and healer” who also dabbled in magnet therapy (outright silliness) created chiropractic in the 1800s.    He also came up with this gem, “99% of all diseases are caused by displaced vertebrae”  My pancreas will be happy to know that all I needed was an adjustment upon diagnosis and BING!  No more need for insulin.

Nothing wrong with grocers, I’m not saying that at all.  I like food.  What I am suggesting is the very unlikely possibility that a guy stocking shelves created a miracle health theory and practical system.  Don’t try and tell me “Einstein was a patent clerk.”  Yes he was.  In addition to being specifically trained in his field of study and a freaking out-of-this-world genius.

Now, if working on bones and stuff as chiropractors do cures all these non related conditions doesn’t it make some little sense that doctors who are actually Better at working on bones and stuff would also be seeing miracle cures for non-related conditions?  Even if just by accident?  Hey doc, you fixed my shoulder and now I no longer have Type 1 diabetes!!!  And I can see again!!!

Of course there are all kinds of rationalizations, justifications, verbal diarrhea, and mental gymnastics performed to say how it’s the “optimization, subluxation,  spiritual energy and therapeutic awesomeness” of chiropractors that gives these results.  Those nasty, terrible,  “Westnernized” hordes of physicians have just been fooled to go along with the status quo thereby they aren’t nearly as “in touch with mystical realities” and so they can’t cure multiple schlerosis by cracking your neck.

Pssst…here’s a secret.  If any of these outlandish treatments, be they physical adjustments, psychic surgery, or supplements worked then the medical establishment would be using them.  Why?  Because they would work.  If they work then they get more doctors to prescribe them.  More prescriptions means more product sold.  More sold means more cash. That means if these things worked then good businesses would manufacture them.  Period.    

Here’s an idea.  Stand by your profession because it can sometimes fix the spine and some other joint problems (though not at the same effectiveness of other models).  Don’t get on the internet and do a Goodle search to find out just what wild and wacky “trend” is going around and then offer it yourself.  If you have an effective treatment let it speak for itself and you will get more clients and thus make more money.   

The Lord of the Rings DVD Conversation

LOTR:  Pssst.

Me:  Huh?

LOTR:  I said psssst.

Me:  Yeah, how’s it going?

LOTR:  Been awhile.

Me:  yeah, it has been awhile.

LOTR:  What do you think?

Me:  Well, I have a couple books to read, some stuff to do.

LOTR:  Ah, come on.

Me:  I don’t know, maybe.

LOTR:  I’ll make it worth your while.

Me:  Oh yeah?

LOTR: yeah.

Me:  Hmmm, sounds interesting.

LOTR:  Very. 

  Me:  How about tomorrow?

LOTR:  Well, I don’t want to have to talk you into it.

Me:  Now, don’t get that way.

LOTR:  No, really, forget it. 

Me:  Oh now.

LOTR:  Just go about your night.  Go read your new little books.  Just go ahead. 

Me:  Oh no, here we go again.

LOTR (tears):  Yes, we do.  We’re going again.  I’ve been a part of your life   for over 25 years. A couple brand new shiny books and that’s all you can think about.    I shouldn’t have to ask.

Me:  Wait, wait…

LOTR (sobbing):  No, no “wait.”  There are all kinds of people out there who wish they had what you had.  Millions of people.

Me:  I know, I know.  I’m glad for what I’ve got.

LOTR:  I don’t believe you!

Me:  Oh come on now…I didn’t mean to make you upset. 

LOTR:  Yeah?

Me:  Couldn’t do without you…

LOTR (sniffles):  Yes?

Me:  Wouldn’t have it any other way…

LOTR:  Really?!?

Me:  You know I love you….

LOTR (tears of joy):  Oh I love you too!

I insert first LOTR DVD into machine.  Click play button.

LOTR (smiling; says to self):  Works every time.

In Memorium: Facts

Opinions are now facts.  If I believe in something really bad  then it is true.  No matter what.  If I can find one goon out there to agree then i am content in to wallow in the squalor of my thoughts.

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/ct-talk-huppke-obit-facts-20120419,0,809470.story

More Mayan Madness

Every so often the populace is bombarded with gloom and doom, end time screams from various quarters.  There are the biblical apocalypse crew.  There is the New Age crowd.  There’s the technophile gang. The sci-fi futurist assemblage. There’s the Nostradamus bunch.   There’s 6.9 million other groups claiming The End is Near.  The most fun are the Cross-Enders who believe all of these forecasts with an attempt to create a complex algorithm taking each into account.     

The common strain between all of these groups is they have never been correct.  Ever. 

One day someone will “predict” the end of the world and they will be correct.  Estimates suggest there have been 107 billion people who have populated the Earth.  If we randomly assigned a specific day to each person we’d get 107 billion days.  Divide that number by 365 days in the year.  Someone check the math but I think it is over 293 million years. 

I’m no eggspert on when humans became fully human.  Let’s just say 3 million years ago even though that is just a guess I pulled out of arse.  If we subtract that 3 milldough from 293 milldough we come to the present day.  Now we have 290 million years from today that have been correctly “guessed” as the end of the world.  That’s a long stretch of time.  We’re not even gonna add in the people who will be born over the next 290 million years to the equation.  Why not?  Because it is stupid.  So is the whole “every decade a new End Times weirdness.”  

(Of course, if we believe that wild and whacky bunch of goons, The Young Earth Creationists, we’d know the world is only 6,000 years old.  It would really screw our equation pooch if Fred Flinstone did actually waltz around with Dino. Yes, many of them actually believe this.) 

It’s New Age Nonsense Meets Radico-Biblical claptrap. And it sells books.  And people freak out.  And nothing happens.  One day “it will happen.”  And not a damn soul will have predicted it.  Well, except one of those 107 billion randomly assigned people our ridiculous equation.  

What if I’m wrong?  It won’t matter.  We’ll all be obliterated.  Nobody will be able to say “hey, you were wrong ya idiot!”  But I bet I see you in 2013.  We can both hang out and wait until the world doesn’t end.  Again.